Just like an Ass

Every day as I head home from "the field," as we professional sales pigs refer to it, I drive by a gigantic billboard. This big ass monstrosity offends my wittle little ego every time I see it. It reads: She'll Never See It Coming. Diamonds are Forever. And just why, I ask my imaginary friend riding shotgun, wouldn't she see it coming? Have I become such an inconsiderate thoughtless ass that my lovely wife couldn't even fathom receiving an elegant, expensive gift from your's truly for the holiday? "Oh My God Darek! I always thought you were such an asshole, I never saw this coming... Especially from you, you self-absorbed, cheap, void of a romantic thread in your being turd... This completely changes my entire perception of you."

Maybe I'm being a little sensative. After all, I have had my eye on a genuine diamondele necklace lately.