Remember to "lather" your eye

That's right boys and girls... I received crucial and poignant information from an incredibly reliable source, (okay it was Jeff, my wacky brother-in-law) regarding the importance of "lathering" your eyes on a daily basis. "My optometrist, who is like, the greatest guy I've ever met, told me," he leans in, "if you don't actually lather your eyes every day, you're gonna have some real problems when you get old." Holy shit, I thought, another fucking thing I need to worry about before my head hits the pillow each night. You don't hear gems of wisdom like that every day. I looked him square in the face and said, "you mean, 'lather' your eyes?" His confirmation was far too confident to doubt him. My sharp and skeptical wife remaining true to her form dryly stated that she didn't believe him. Myself, on the other hand, would have run into the bathroom to begin another new ritual to maintain my questionable health into a long future. I just couldn't figure out which soap I had that I couldn't imagine burning the shit out of my poor little corneas.

I woke the next morning thinking about where I could purchase some good eye lathering soap. Glad I wasn't able to venture out on that shopping spree and invest money towards what were soon to become the cleanest retinas on the planet. Turns out, Jeff revealed the very next night that he never said to actually soap up with your eyes open. My sharp and skeptical wife, however, did support my understanding of how the "lathering" information was presented. Jeff, of course disagrees as he often does with his sister and I.

I just sincerely hope no one ran out to lather up before reading the whole post.