Moulin Rouge without the music

Our neighbor gave us a tin full of cookies. I read the label, "Pepperidge Farm Cream Filled Piroettes - Entertaining Cookies." Excitedly I tore off the top, ripped open one of the separate bags, pulled one out and placed it on the counter. Nothing. So I pulled out another and placed it right next to it on the counter. Know what? Those Goddamn cookies didn't sing one song, dance, or tell any jokes.