Eat LESS Motherf**ckers

Expend more calories than you consume

Forget the thighmaster, the diet of the moment, the pills, the lipo. Damn, and wouldn't you know it, Jared from Subway just materialized with the message, "We want your children to live better lives." I love perfect television timing.

I think the 4 pounds I gained over the past three days has gone straight to my brain.