I don't think that means what you think it means

Shiny happy moments. I sit in the grass. The little ones frolic in a community yard I pretend is my own. For a moment, everything is perfect. It feels easy. Like there's really nothing to worry about. And I believe it. For a moment. And I stand and pretend like I don't have problems with my stomach every Monday. I loath the end of the weekend. When she leaves. And I pretend I have it all goin' my way, then why am I such a fucking mess? It's not a complaint, just lyrics. And it's not a long term issue. But it's here. It's now. And it's where I'm at. I am happy. I am good. But I keep thinking about calling my Mom. And I can't. And I almost wish no one would read this because it would be nice if it made more sense.

Whatcha whatcha whatcha want?

So what the hell? Where have I been? What, what, why and how and where and who. What is a funny word. Looks like it should be pronounced "wat". Just a pointless observation.

I don't know where to start. Or how to finish. I'm living. Breathing. I find things silly. Morose. And boring. Well, me anyway. I'm boring. If I was to submit a post, and good God, I don't post a fucking thing these days, it would read something like this: "Oh things are just peachie. I'm still in love, I have a great job, (though I still wouldn't work if it were up to me, which it's not) I wake up, I fill my day with tasks, quotas, love, and children, and I slumber." Yeah. Read that day after day. It's been a year since the split of my marriage. Almost a year since I've found the love of my life. And almost a year since Mom died. Shit, I'm a little weird right now. And really good. And crazy, unstable, in a completely together kinda way.

The girls are growing into fantastic little people. The youngest is entering kindergarten early. The oldest is an "accelerated" student. I was never an accelerated student. I threw rocks and made friends. And I beat up bullies. I hated when those motherfuckers picked on the little guy.

And my name is Darek. And I'm happy.